Have You Heard the One About?
by nerdielady
Summary: Spock is trying to understand jokes.


**Have You Heard the One About...?**

He does not understand jokes. He has tried. Ever since coming to Earth, people have been telling him jokes. They do not understand why he does not laugh. He sees no reason to do so.

He does not understand the concept of 'funny'. Insulting someone's heritage, appearance, or actions is improper, inappropriate, and small-minded. Making strange remarks about someone's sexual preferences is extremely illogical. Laughing over others misfortune or at physical damage that they might receive does not make any sort of sense to him.

He has questioned other people, trying to understand. He first questioned his roommate the very first week he was here at the Academy. That young man eventually wound up yelling at him. He still did not understand why comparing the size of ones genital organ to that of animals should be considered 'funny'. And certainly elephants themselves were not laughed at.

He had, at length, questioned Captain Pike on this subject. Unfortunately, he had not received much assistance there, either. And the captain had been helpful on many other subjects.

He had, over the years, determined that there were different types of jokes. Slapstick he did not understand at all, nor did he wish to. There were jokes that were considered 'clean' and suitable for children, but seemed to contain many references to the voiding of wastes from one's body. He simply did not see anything remotely 'funny' about such natural, normal activities. There were many jokes which involved mating activities. These simply mystified him.

But there was one category of jokes which was actually somewhat interesting. He did not understand why they were 'funny', but they _were_ interesting. These involved plays on the meanings of words - puns they were called. He had observed that when you translated this type of joke into other languages, the joke disappeared. He had tried this and gotten many blank looks. So he had continued to collect this type of joke and at intervals, when he was not otherwise occupied, he would study them again, trying to ascertain _why_ they invoked laughter.

Nyota is trying to help him understand jokes. She thought it would help him in dealing with humans. So far she has not succeeded. When he asked her to explain _why_ something was funny, she often was puzzled and said, "because it just is." This was not helpful. He thinks that she has learned the concept of funny when she was so small that she did not even remember learning it.

So now she is telling him jokes, while he tries in vain to understand them. They are sitting on the floor pillows.

Nyota tells another joke "An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what are the words?" " She waits.

He sighs. "Will you tell me what the words are so that I may try to solve this strange puzzle."

"But I did tell you the words."

He looks at her. "You described the words."

"Yes."

He closes his eyes. This is _very_ difficult. He rubs his forehead. He opens one eye and glares at her. "You both described the words and told me the words?"

"Yes." She is trying very hard not to laugh at him.

He goes back over the what she has said. An instructor talking to his class. The statement that there are two words which are not allowed. The descriptions of the two words - wait, the descriptions _themselves _are words. A glimmer of understanding begins to appear. He opens both eyes, looks at her. "The words are 'gross' and 'cool'?"

Now she does smile, broadly. "Yes, yes, that's it!"

"The instructor tells his students there are two words they cannot say. When he tells them the words, the students think he is describing the words."

"Yes, that's it exactly."

"It is funny because his students are illogical and not very intelligent?"

"Well, I don't know whether I would have put it just like that, but you're getting there."

"Getting where?"

"You're starting to understand. Let's try another one. This is a sign on a store: Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come here?" She waits for his comment.

He thinks. This obviously does not actually mean what it seems to say. The store owner would not admit to cheating people. Perhaps that _is_ the point. "This one is funny because the store owner seems to be telling prospective customers that he will cheat them there?"

"Yes, yes! Oh, that's good."

"But no store owner would actually put up such a sign!"

She sighs. "You would be surprised. But whether it would actually happen or not has no effect on whether it is considered to be funny or not."

"Something which could not possibly happen can be considered funny?"

"Oh, yes indeed. Now try this - this is a word definition. The word is 'guilty'. The definition is "a hot beverage made from fish gills".

The very idea of drinking a hot beverage made from fish gills makes him nauseous. "NYOTA! No one would do that!"

She giggles. "That's part of what makes it funny! Now figure it out."

He considers. Gill tea. Guilty. "This one is a pun. It is funny because of the word confusion?"

"Yes, and also the definition itself is silly, like you said, no one would ever do that. Okay, one more. This is another word definition. I think you'll like this one. The word is 'Punish'."

Of course he knows this word, it means to treat someone as they deserve for behaving improperly.

"The definition is "A language consisting entirely of bad jokes".

He looks at her in horror. "No language can be composed from bad jokes! And there is no connection between the word and the definition. No possible connection." Suddenly, an alternate spelling of the word occurs to him. Punnish. He gapes at her, as she struggles to hold back her laughter. Something trickles through his mind. He cocks his head and looks straight in her eyes. "Very punny, Nyota."

She rolls on the floor and laughs so hard tears leak from her eyes.


End file.
